Just “Whelmed”

 

 Imagine if whelmed was enough? I’m going to try it out and let ya’ll know. 

 I found this app that is free and lets you track your feelings  it also has guided tools if you want to explore the emotions more. I’m sure my therapist will be giddy about this!

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

And now for a funny - not sure why we're not smiling, but pretend we are!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Awards that do not exist

 To think I used to want to collect all of these awards. 

 I also used to be proud of having no baggage, but now I have a literal bag of things (medications, glasses, Clorox wipes, antibacterial hand wipes, masks, etc.) that I have to take everywhere. 

Feel the feels

 So I’m currently working on feeling the feelings. I’m a doer and a problem solver so when something comes up, I get to work rather than wallow. The catch is that a cancer diagnosis and all that goes with it requires processing grief and the various feelings that go with that. It has come up in the Cancer Survivorship 101 class I’m taking and in therapy sessions, so it must be legit. 🤷

 This emotions list helped me to define emotions felt at various times. Maybe it can help you. 

 I feel I am processing my feelings, I just don’t do so externally, so that’s what I’m told to work on. Apparently others need to share in this myriad of feelings cancer and treatments have brought upon me. Best of luck to you all. 

 

 It’s ok to feel. 

Semantics Matter

  A little while back, I wrote a post about person first language, which presents the person with the illness or disease rather than the ill or diseased patient. I came across this JAMA article titled, Persons With Cancer Rather Than Cancer Patients – Semantics Matter, that aligns with my point. It’s worth a read. 

Mammograms, Ultrasounds, and ECHOs, Oh My

 Just when you all think I have a day off, that day consists of three new scans and yet another trip to the eye doctor. 

 My dry eyes (and therefore vision issues) aren’t budging so we’re adding Loteprednol, a steroid eye gel, to the mix. I have to wait for my pharmacy to order it. I’m getting all the weird stuff to fix my weirdisms. Thank you 1% chance of side effects. 

 I also had a repeat mammogram, ultrasound, and ECHO. The mammogram and ultrasound were due to continuing to do my self breast exams and feeling another lump in the SAME EXACT SPOT that felt EXACTLY the same and my PCP concurred. Better safe than sorry. It’s that balance between being the girl who cried wolf and one who doesn’t speak up, which I’m not sure I’d ever be capable of. The area of concern is being categorized as a BI-RADs 3. I personally love the terminology “probably benign” and feel like that was written by a very intelligent doctor who had amazing malpractice insurance. Here’s a refresher on BI-RADs categories and a great link to visuals of each:

 My ECHO was my 3 month standard scan. Not expecting any surprises there but you never know. Is it just me or does the mitral valve (one of your heart valves) look like they’re playing patty cake?

 I’m so very tired right now and one more day of work to go. Send me energy friends. 

Wingin’ Life

 

 Coming from a true creature of habit, this part has been the hardest. I think I accepted the frequent change of symptoms when I was on TCHP, but once I returned to work, I expected everything else to get back to “normal”. I was back to my old routine, albeit, in a new role, but the days operations were getting back to normal. My body doesn’t care, and I’m not sure why I feel the pressure to make it so. 

 I’m working on meeting myself where I am, but finding a balance with work is the hard part. Is full time too much? Is part time too little? Depends on the day or hour, honestly. 

I’m just here:

Dry Eyes Continued

 My blurred vision was continuing to get worse, so I went back to the eye doctor. Due to my chemo and other medications having dry eye as a side effect, I now have keratitis which is corneal inflammation. It required escalation of treatment and once chemo is done, can take up to 3 months to fully resolve. 

 My most frustrating symptom is vertical ghosting. It looks like this, sometimes worse, sometimes better:

 My first regimen:

• Alaway once daily in the morning
• Refresh Digital twice daily
• Refresh Relieva PF (Preservative Free) 4-5 times a day
• Hot compresses
• Omega 3

 My escalated regimen:

• Alaway once daily in the morning
• Refresh Digital twice daily
• Systane Complete PF 4-5 times a day
• Refresh PM lubricant gel once at night
• Cequa (prescription) one drop to both eyes twice daily
• Hot compresses
• Omega 3

 I can say it’s no longer getting worse. It’s about the same with some burning now being felt. I’d say my vision issues have scared me the most but I’m keeping ahead of it as best as I can. Knowing it’s not permanent is a true relief. 

Cycle 7 is a go!

 

Disability Frustrations

  Disability guilt might be a bit strong for how I would describe it but the statements are real. Instead of guilt, it is more frustrations for me. I wanted to share as I’m sure many people going through their own things can relate. 

 While dealing with these frustrations, I still make it a point to throw kindness around like confetti!

Preliminary Test Results

  So far my blood cultures are negative. I will probably get the final result today and do not expect something different since we know the source was from strep throat. If it was some rare nasty bug, it might take more time to grow, but not strep A. This is a huge win and a great addition to my public service announcement to the doctor ASAP is so important.

 I’m on my Augmentin and another public service announcement, I will be taking ALL of my antibiotics as prescribed. I am feeling better day by day and am to return to work tomorrow.

From the Mayo Clinic:

“Taking antibiotics responsibly: It's tempting to stop taking an antibiotic as soon as you feel better. But you need to take the full treatment to kill the disease-causing bacteria. If you don't take an antibiotic as prescribed, you may need to start treatment again later. If you stop taking it, it can also promote the spread of antibiotic-resistant properties among harmful bacteria.”

 I also had a chest x-ray to ensure I did or didn't have pneumonia. I didn't but they found a "hazy ill-defined asymmetric density" on the left side of my chest which was outside of the chest wall. In my setting of breast cancer, that could be post-surgical changes or concern for something else. I commend this radiologist for reading this x-ray so closely with my current situation and want to highlight they also stated "There is no significant mediastinal widening or evidence of hilar or mediastinal adenopathy. Bones imaged are unremarkable without blastic or destructive lesions of bone." This translates to no findings of enlarged lymph nodes in the chest (YAY!) and no evidence of spreading (metastases) to my chest wall (YAY!). I appreciate this extra care taken to comment on things that otherwise may not be mentioned in a standard chest x-ray.

 Due to the findings of the "hazy ill-defined asymmetric density", my care team quickly got me further x-rays (initial x-ray was anterior to posterior or AP (front to back)) and the further images were PA (posterior to anterior or back to front), lateral (from the side) and oblique (a partial turn) to truly visualize the area. The further imaging did not show the same density seen and the impression was "The previously described density over the left lateral peripheral lung field was related to superimposed soft tissue structures." I'll keep doing my breast checks but know there may be scar tissue that tosses in some scares in there. I'm currently learning the balance between being the girl who cries wolf and not speaking up when I need to.

Posterior-Anterior and Anterior-Posterior Views

Lateral View

I'm feeling better so I'll take this time to do some TL;DR again.

• Preliminary blood cultures are negative. Final takes another day to grow.
• I'm on Augmentin for strep throat and PSA to take all antibiotics as prescribed and not stop early when you feel better.
• This helps to prevent antibiotic resistance and also ensures all bacteria are killed by the antibiotics.
• Chest x-ray from ER visit showed a "hazy ill-defined asymmetric density" and led to further x-rays. It also showed no lymphatic involvement or spread to my chest bony structures showing extreme care to read results in the setting of my ongoing cancer diagnosis.
• Those views (see above for details) confirmed that the density was likely due to superimposed soft tissue structures" and did not show further concern for an area of concern.
• I will still continue my breast exams.

Enjoy your day! I know I will.

Hope and Persistence

 This is courtesy of my big sis. Thank you for this reminder!

 Still awaiting results from blood cultures. 

Sepsis takes a life every two minutes

  We're currently awaiting the results of my blood cultures to see if the infection went into my bloodstream. This can take 24-72 hours. In the meantime, I'm on Augmentin (Amoxicillin / Clavulanic acid) to treat any bacteria that is in my system, with the suspected culprit being strep throat. Strep throat is actually streptococcus pharyngitis which is an inflammation of the throat (pharynx) which is caused by Group A streptococcus bacteria known as streptococcus pyogenes.

 I also wanted to elaborate on the action of sepsis. This is a review of sepsis caused by Group A Streptococcus but many things can cause sepsis and will result in various presentations. Sepsis is a generally unknown, but serious condition. While undergoing cancer treatment, it is very possible to have an exposure to something that could lead to sepsis. Knowledge is power and time is essential. Bottom line is that sepsis, which was often called blood poisoning, is a life-threatening emergency that happens when your body's response to an infection damages vital organs and, often, causes death. 

"Sepsis takes a life every two minutes. It can look like a routine illness, then quickly change into a severe, life-threatening situation,” said Jennifer Yu, MD, sepsis physician lead for MedStar Health and critical care physician at MedStar Washington Hospital Center.

 An excerpt from the link above which is endsepsis.org:

"Strep A is a type of bacteria that can cause a range of infections, from mild skin infections (such as impetigo) to more serious conditions such as strep throat, scarlet fever, and necrotizing fasciitis (also known as flesh-eating disease). In some cases, strep A infections can lead to sepsis.

Sepsis is a potentially life-threatening condition that occurs when the body’s response to an infection damages its tissues and organs. It can be caused by many different types of bacteria, including Streptococcus pyogenes (also known as group A streptococcus or “strep A”)."

 Known your SEPSIS signs and symptoms! It could save your life!

 But with all of this, as long as you get the care you need when you need it, your body is amazing and CAN HEAL!

Tales from the Emergency Department

 Well, I’ve done great so far, but today was the day I finally had to make a trip to the emergency department (ED). Congestion and sore throat with possible strep, bone, muscle and joint pain, chills and then my temperature started to rise. I decided to get my buns straight into the ED where they’re working me up for strep and possible sepsis. 

When I was in quality, one of the quality measures was getting fluids and antibiotics in a potential person with sepsis within 1 hour of arrival. They did it! This continues to show the great care I get right here in my town of Palmer, AK. No big cities needed. 

 Some of you know but some of you don’t, that my mom had sepsis. She was within hours of potential death by the time she got to the hospital. Her situation was a septic hip joint. She survived but it’s very important to know how serious sepsis is. She and I both run a lower temperate normally so when we both got over 100 degrees, we knew it was an issue. It helps to know your baseline temperature for that reason.

 My oncologists office told me to get to either them (they’re not open) or the ED if I had a temperature over 100. I didn’t hesitate and the ED team says I did the right thing. Don’t hesitate! Get the care you need!

Had a rest because I needed it

  The following images resonated with me, and I know they will for others with chronic illness. Even tackling the laundry can feel daunting. I've stayed quite healthy throughout my treatments but feel something coming on. It's draining my energy. I'm going to keep moving and currently have some chicken noodle soup on the stove with ginger and garlic to see if I can kick this thing.

Maybe I'll do more tomorrow.  

Maybe not, we'll see!

Journaling

 I took a moment to begin reading my blog from January forward. It was then that I remembered the power of journaling.

An excerpt from this website:

 to journal, means you keep your own thoughts, beliefs, feelings, insights, emotions – just everything you have built up within you, out on record.

with the beauty of journaling, there is no right or wrong.

yep, that means you can do it however you want to.

when you journal you are creating an opportunity for yourself to find out who you actually are and discover your true self.

by beginning to journal, you can find out what you genuinely like, what brings you true joy, your true passions in life, what emotions you have, how you are actually feeling, what you have suppressed or repressed to stay ‘in line’ the norms of society.

you are able to express your true self in a healthy way that lets you understand who you truely are, and what makes you the unique person you are.

 It also allows you to:

 I love the clarity that comes with putting my thoughts down in my blog (my way of journaling) and hoping that it helps others provides me with gratitude so it’s a double whammy. The type of double whammy I like.

  Give it a try. You might find it helps!